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Most of us are interested in developing and maintaining a successful relationship with the person we love. Many of the theories of love provide a glimpse of the practices that promote the continuation of a loving relationship. In his 1988 book, The Triangle of Love, Robert Sternberg gives many practical suggestions, including his rules for a successful relationship. Note that these suggestions can help improve any relationship, whether it is just beginning or has been in existence for decades.
Sternberg's first rule is to never take your love relationship for granted. Couples often spend a lot of attention on each other when first dating, but then tend to focus on other things (work, children, outside interests) after marriage. In order to maintain a strong relationship, it is important to always make it a high priority in your life. Successful partners try to become aware of each other's needs and to satisfy them without being asked. When we love someone, we want to help him or her in any way possible. We care about the other person and are not afraid to show our feelings. Sternberg points out that in a successful relationship, the partners both have a positive self-concept. They value themselves and recognize that they have something important to contribute to the relationship. It is very important to love your actual partner, not the idealization of your partner. It is often easier to fall in love with an ideal person than with a real person. The ideal person is perfect in every way, whereas a real person has flaws and shortcomings. When we love a fantasy of the ideal person, we ultimately become disappointed and frustrated. But when we love someone for who he or she is, the relationship is based on reality. Sternberg believes this honest approach is necessary for long-term success in a relationship. Communication plays an essential role in a successful relationship. Each partner must honestly tell the other person what he or she thinks and feels at all times. Without honest communication, the relationship loses intimacy and becomes a shell without any meaning. Your partner cannot always guess what you are feeling, so you have to let him or her know through word and deed. Finally, Sternberg suggests that partners in a successful love relationship are actively involved in helping each other grow. They must recognize that they need to work together to improve the relationship. They must treat each other the way they want to be treated. Sternberg argues that intimacy, passion, and commitment are essential components of a love relationship, but to get the most out of the relationship people must work at it continuously. What have you done lately to improve your love relationship? Can you think of other guidelines for people in love? |
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